You know what's really freaky?
Watching Jeopardy on mute. You get all of the questions, but none of the answers. You walk away, and a few minutes later are still trying to figure out what obscure 80's band it was talking about. Curse you, muted Jeopardy, for ruining my peace of mind!
~~~
Not that it was all that peaceful to begin with. AGH. This whole college thing is starting to drive me crazy.
First of all: the essays. I've never liked writing essays. But, until now, they have just been some grade that sorta kinda mattered, but not really because I could balance it out with good grades on the reading quizzes. But college application essays... if I mess these up, I'm in a lot more trouble. The next four years (and, to an extent, the rest of my life) depends on how well I write these essays. No pressure.
And then: I don't actually really want to go to college. I sound crazy, right? All of the other seniors are like "oh my god I can't wait to leave this place and break free and blah blah blah." But... I don't know. I'm happy now. And I don't want that to have to change. I don't want to have to leave behind everything I have now. I feel like I finally belong. The first two years of highschool... well, they were a bit rough. I had to figure out where I fit in and who my friends were. But most of last year, and then this year... it has been amazing. I look forward to coming to school each day. I have great friends, am finally participating in school-related activities (theater, diversity club, art club)... everything just works. And I don't want to have to change all of that. I don't want to leave.
Yeah, she definitely plays a big part in this. I love her, and I'm scared of even thinking about the fact that I won't be here next year. I don't know what to do. I honestly wish I wasn't a senior.
People keep saying that college will be the best part of my life or whatever and that I'll make a bunch of new friends and stuff like that. Well, too bad. I like the friends I have now, and I don't want to have to ditch them all and go make new ones.
~~~
I'm tired, and I haven't even started homework yet. sigh.
~~~~
...but please pick the five that are MOST IMPORTANT to you...
I think I'll stick to loud Jeopardy.
ReplyDelete...
I think if I were you I'd focus on the here and now. It's a place where you know you belong, and you will belong until the day you leave. But don't be so fearful of leaving, you can always bring pieces of home with you. It's difficult to have a long-distance relationship. But it IS possible. And I hope it can be something to look forward to. You will THRIVE in college. I'm sure of it.
But think about all the possibilites in college! You can go wherever you want in life... it shapes the remainder of your years! You finally can be independent!
ReplyDeleteYou definitely already know that I can relate to you will. I don't want to go. I am just now starting to like this place. But recently, I have lost so much, that I am so uncomfortable I am almost starving for a change. I am anorexic about it. Hahhaha.
ReplyDeletei thought the SAME THING. college is awesome tho, youll miss highschool, but its awesome
ReplyDeleteI was watching Jeopardy last night and I thought about your rant about silent Jeopardy, so I tried it. You're right, it sucks.
ReplyDelete