Tuesday, September 21, 2010


try this.

There is more than there seems.

...I keep forgetting / the smell of the warm summer air...

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Have you decided on a college yet?

Yes. I'm going to Carnegie Mellon for Computer Science. Yay.

Ask me anything

Monday, February 15, 2010

Monologue for Theater Class

I can hear his footsteps squelching softly in the mud. It must be Friday. Greg comes by every Friday, before work. I guess these visits help him.

I can see him now, enveloped in the fog. He’s bringing flowers, again. I wish he knew that they really aren’t necessary; all that matters is that he still comes by. He’s already done more than enough. Does he think I still blame him?

He’s wearing a thick jacket. It must be getting colder, but that doesn’t stop him. He came all last winter, even when it snowed. I worry though… if the winter is harsh, will he stop coming?

What will happen if he forgets? What will happen if he does finally find someone else, if he can stop blaming himself? What will happen if he can let go of the past, which would mean letting go of me? Will he be better off? Part of me wants him to move on, take control of his life… but another part of me wants him to keep coming back. Am I being selfish? How long can I expect him to keep coming?

It’s… well, I guess it’s been about two years now. We’ve both been counting the days, in our own separate ways. And I know that we’ve both been re-living that awful night. We’d both had too much to drink… I’ve been sober ever since.

He’s almost past the trees now. Just a few more steps, and he’ll be here. I wait. Patience is something I’ve learned since the accident. A bird cries in the distance. Greg kneels, and places the flowers. He can’t see me, but I’m smiling. Slowly, he stands up, and begins walking back down the path. And I begin waiting for next Friday.


...from my window to yours...

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Angsty Love Scene for The Voice

I stared out at the moonlight bouncing off the choppy water. The small waves distorted the reflection, ripping and tearing it into millions of shimmering pieces. I blinked once, and then twice, trying to hold back my tears. I couldn’t let him see me cry. I couldn’t seem weak, or needy. I leaned up against the wooden railing, sticking my face out into the breeze. The cool wind felt nice ruffling my hair.

His footsteps creaked on the dock behind me. I waited for him to speak, but he didn’t say anything. He stood next to me, and we stared at the lake in silence. It was easier than looking into his eyes.

Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer. “I… I hope you have fun at State.” He nodded. “I hear they’ve got some great parties.” There. I said it. I pushed my hair back into place, and looked at him with a mixture of apprehension and fear.

“Yeah… my brother says they’re awesome,” he mumbled, still staring out into the darkness. Of course he’d say that. Of course he’d be as vague as possible. My hands tightened around the rough wooden railing. What I needed was something more like “Yeah, but I’d rather be with you”, or “I’ll miss you, Alex”, or something like that. Something to push away the nightmares. The constant dreams about him drunk at some party, forgetting about me in a haze of alcohol and hormones.

A tear slipped out of my eye, and started crawling down my cheek. I turned away from him, hoping he didn’t see. “Call me whenever you can, okay?”

He grunted in response. Of course, he wouldn’t call; he’d forget. I’d be the one calling him. I’d be the one leaving tons of voice mail messages, all saying the same thing. “Hey, how are you? How’s school? Are you doing okay? I miss you! Call me!”

I turned to him again, not caring anymore about the tears weaving their way down my face. Wrapping my arms around him in an awkward hug, I clung to his side and buried my face in his shoulder. Here I was again, being clingy and insecure. I bet he couldn’t wait to ditch me as soon as he left.

I looked up at his face, but he was still staring out at the moon. I wished that he would at least look at me. I felt as turbulent as the water out on the lake, but clearly not as interesting. No, I didn’t feel like the water, I felt like I was drowning in it. I held on to him even tighter. But that didn’t stop the drowning.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Story for The Voice

He could see shapes in the trees. Patterns in the wind-blown leaves. The moonlight flickering between the branches danced on the ground, shifting like a kaleidoscope as he walked. Shadows tugged at the edges of his vision, trying to steal his attention. Every bush, every tree looked like someone hiding, waiting, watching. But there wasn’t anybody else out here. There couldn’t be. David had been down this path twelve times before, and he’d never seen a soul. There was no reason for anyone to be out here tonight, especially this late.

David tugged on the straps of his backpack, feeling the reassuring weight pulling down on his narrow frame. He wasn’t nervous. At least, not anymore. And after tonight, he’d never have to be nervous again.

After passing the last rotted oak tree, he turned into the clearing. The wind had pushed a thin layer of leaves over the bare dirt. Setting down his backpack on a large rock, David started brushing away the laves until he could see the familiar lines carved into the ground.

He turned around and started to unzip his backpack. As he reached in to pull out a candle, a voice rang out across the clearing, chilling his blood.


David stopped, and turned slowly around, his right hand reaching instinctively toward the small knife in his pocket. Emerging from the trees he could see a girl in a white coat, about his height, holding out her hand. Her long black hair drifted in the wind, partially obscuring her thin, pale face.

David looked uneasily at the girl. “What are you doing here?” He slowly slid the knife out of his pocket, just in case.

“I’ve seen you here before,” she replied, stepping cautiously across the figures carved in the dirt, “and I know what you’re doing. It isn’t right.”

“That’s none of your business. And… how many times have you been following me out here?”

“Enough times to be bothered enough to stop you.”

David was starting to lose patience. The moon would be hidden by the clouds in a few minutes, and he’d have to act fast. He couldn’t mess up a year’s worth of work because of this girl. “I really think you should leave now. I don’t want to have to hurt you.”

The girl stepped closer. She was only about three feet away from him now. She stared intensely at him with dark brown eyes. “Put the knife down.”

David was startled by the aggressive tone of her voice. He hesitated, and took a step back, lowering the knife to his side. “What are you trying to do?” He struggled to hide the nervousness creeping into his voice.

“I’m trying to help you.”

The girl jumped forward, catching David by surprise. She slammed into him, pushing him backwards. He lost his balance and fell, hitting his head on the rock. As she knelt over him, the night slowly faded to black.


...ghost horses... we ride, tonight...

Monday, January 18, 2010

cliquey cliquey


[] I shop at Abercrombie, Hollister, American Eagle, or Aerospatiale.
[] I am/was a cheerleader.
[] I'm pretty ditzy.
[] I wear pink 24/7.
[] My looks are very important to me.
[x] I can’t live without my cell phone. (mostly for email.)
[] My hair is always straight.
[] I say 'like' and 'omigod' a lot.
[] I laugh 24/7.
[] I have a million friends.
[] I always hang at the mall or movies.
[] I'll only date popular guys.
[] I listen to rap & pop music.
[] I have at least one designer bag.
[] My myspace pics are of me making a kissy face or are mirror pics.
[] It takes me at least an hour to get ready for school in the mornings.
[] Uggs + Miniskirts = Love
[x] I don't have a job
[] I wear lots of makeup.
[] I can be stuck up or snobby sometimes.
[] I flirt with any guy, as long as he's cute.

[x] I cry a lot.
[-] I go to local shows. (sometimes.)
[] I wear black everyday
[x] I write sad poetry.
[-] I play an acoustic guitar. (want to learn.)
[x] My favorite bands include: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, or Panic! At the Disco.
ehh. yeah.
[x] I think about suicide or death often. (used to more than now.)
[x] People have told me to cheer up.
[x] I cry when I see dead animals.
[x] My myspace pics are black are white or angled.
[x] I wear many band shirts.
[] No one understands me.
[xxx] I don't talk too often.
[x] I look down when I walk.
[x] I wear black eyeliner. (I have, at times, haha.)
[] My fingernails are black.
[] I have an ex I still cry over.
[] My hair is black.
[x] My hair covers one of my eyes. (It does, at times.)
[x] I love Hot Topic.
[ ] I always say 'life sucks'.

[x] I have straight A's.
[x] I wear glasses.
[x] I always do my homework and study.
[x] Lord of the Rings was a massive achievement
[x] Computer games = Love.
[x] I'm 'teachers pet'.
[] I've never had a real boyfriend/girlfriend.
[] I have a bedtime.
[] I use an asthma inhaler.
[x] I carry a calculator with me.
[] I bring my lunch to school.
[x] I always follow the rules.
[] I'm shy around the opposite sex.
[x] I'm always on the computer.
[x] I've never had beer or cigarettes.
[x] I always answer every question in class right.
[x] I correct people's grammar.
[x] I read a lot.
[x] School is very important to me.
[] I always stump people.

[] I'm on one or more sport teams.
[] I always wear my varsity jacket.
[] I've won awards for my athletic ability.
[] I will only date popular guys.
[] School Spirit 100%.
[] I'm going to a college for sports.
[] I watch sports on TV all the time.
[] I'm muscular.
[] I play sports or exercise at least 3 hours a day.
[] Go Team!
[] I'm a dude magnet.
[x] I eat a lot.
[] I'm egotistical.
[] I'm too focused on sports to make really good grades.
[] I sit at the jock lunch table.
[] All I talk about with my friends is sports.
[] I go to lots of sports games.
[] I'm very athletic
[] I wear sport inspired clothing.
[] I play at least 3 different sports.

[x] I'm funny. (Or so I've been told.)
[] I'm often making jokes.
[] I interrupt class by making people laugh.
[] I always entertain people by being funny.
[] I worship Kevin Smith.
[] I watch comedies more than anything.
[] I also watch SNL and Mad TV a lot.
[x] I'm sarcastic.
[x] I've been told I'm hilarious.
[] I always imitate people.
[] I pull lots of pranks.
[] I always make sarcastic remarks after everything.
[] I have to prove myself by being funny.
[] People expect me to make jokes, always.
[] I have a lot of pressure to make everyone laugh.
[] If I don't make jokes, people ask me what's wrong.
[] Jim Carrey is my idol.
[] I mostly get along with everybody.
[] At pep rallies, I'm the one acting crazy and silly.
[] My teachers or parents tell me I need to focus more on work and less on joking around.

[x] I wear black.
[x] I don't like to be seen.
[x] I'm very, very pale.
[-] I only listen to metal or emo-ish music. (some of the time)
[x] I love creepy, weird movies.
[x] I love gothic cartoons and drawings.
[x] I don't like people.
[] I only go out during the night.
[] I have black fingernails.
[] I wear a long black coat.
[] I also wear big black boots.
[] 'The Crow' is one of my favorite movies.
[] I only date other Goths.
[] I love pain.
[x] People think I'm crazy.
[] I don't talk to anyone who isn't as deep as me.
[] I love to scare people.
[x] I laugh at teenyboppers.
[] People are afraid of me.

[x] I talk to myself
[x] I say really random things all the time.
[] I fidget a lot.
[ ] I still use a wheeled backpack.
[x] People laugh at me.
[] I walk really funny.
[] I have a very different sense of style.
[ ] I talk in a robot voice often.
[] I'll stop whatever I'm doing, and break out in a crazy dance if the mood strikes.
[x] I debate stuff with myself.
[] I hear voices.
[] I'm obsessed with aliens and the other planets.
[] I have a fascination with robots and machinery.
[x] I use really big words no one understands, and they give me weird looks.
[] I say random lines of babbling that make sense to no one understands except me.
[] I dart my eyes from side to side.
[] I always pretend I'm a robot or other weird non human thing.
[x] People have no idea why I think the way I do.
[] I have some very unusual, extraordinary talents.
[] When people ask me if I like something that's trendy, I pretend to be scared or confused.

Christian Girl/Boy
[] I go to church at least once a week.
[ ] Most of my wardrobe consists of long skirts and button down shirts for church.
[] I always carry a bible with me.
[x] My whole family is very religious.
[] I've never been on a date.
[x] I've never smoked or had a beer.
[] My beliefs are very strong.
[] I'm waiting for marriage until sex
[] I wear a cross necklace.
[] I have a bracelet that says WWJD.
[] I'm always preaching to people about the importance of religion.
[] I believe in God
[] I'm not allowed to watch rated R movies, and sometimes, not even PG-13 movies.
[x] I never go out and party.
[] I read the bible everyday.
[] I've memorized excerpts from the bible.
[] I go to Sunday school.
[x] I've been to church camp.
[] I pray every night.
[] I sing Christian songs.

[] I live on a farm.
[] I own at least 2 horses.
[] I own a pair of cowboy boots.
[] I own a cowboy hat.
[] I always wear my hair in two braids.
[] I ride a tractor.
[] I live in a small town.
[] I've lived in Texas before.
[] I wear flannel shirts.
[] I wear overalls.
[] I say y'all and howdy.
[] I have other animals on a farm.
[] I've been in a rodeo before.
[] I've ridden a mechanical bull before.
[] I love home cooking, country style.
[] I always wear my cowboy hat, even in restaurants.
[] I say yee-haw!
[] I've went to horse races before.
[] I love cowboy movies.
[] I square dance.

Social Butterfly
[] I have a lot of friends.
[] I get along with everybody.
[] I enjoy talking to different people.
[] I'm a people person.
[] I love having tons of fun.
[] People come to me for advice.
[] People take an instant liking to me.
[] It seems that people always want to talk to me or hang out with me.
[] I can relate to Ferris Buller.
[] Everybody thinks I'm awesome.
[] I'm not in any clique.
[] I can turn an antisocial person nice.
[] I talk to at least one different person a day.
[] I'm pretty cheerful.
[]I'm involved in something, like a club, that allows me to meet new people.
[x] I never want to argue with people.
[] I love talking.
[] I always have fun doing anything.
[] I'm optimistic.
[] I have over 150 friends on my IM or cell phone book.

where do you fit?