Monday, April 27, 2009

Beatles Songs

mkay so I'm lazy and I didn't feel like writing a full entry.
I have ideas for a good one though. So hopefully that will come soon?

Anyways, the idea here was to answer each question with a song title, and to limit yourself to one artist.

I chose the Beatles.

Some of the answers were chosen sarcastically, or because they fit nicely - they do not all actually reflect my real answer to the question.


Are you male or female? : Something

Describe yourself : I Am The Walrus

How do you feel about yourself? : Getting Better

Describe where you currently live? : Here, There And Everywhere

If you could go anywhere, where would you go? : Strawberry Fields Forever

Your favorite form of transportation? : Flying (even though Yellow Submarine is a close second.)

Your best friend is? : I'm going to list three, one for each of my best friends.

- Her Majesty

- Taxman

- Oh! Darling

Your favorite color is? : For You Blue

What's the weather like? : Rain

Favorite time of day? : Good Morning Good Morning

If your life was a tv show, what would it be called? : What Goes On

What is life to you? : All My Loving

What is the best advice you have to give? : Let It Be

If you could change your name, what would it be? : Eleanor Rigby

Your favorite food is: Honey Pie

Thought for the Day: Your Mother Should Know (hahaha jk, I just wanted to put that somewhere. Actually: All You Need Is Love)

How I would like to die: Golden Slumbers

My soul's present condition: I've Got A Feeling

My motto: Think For Yourself

I read the news today, oh boy.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Purify the colors, purify my mind

I hear shouts, screams. The clanking of metal, dull thuds. Oh wait, my neighbors are just playing horseshoes. ha.


I don’t really know what I want. This is a problem. Well, I know what I don’t want – I guess that’s a good start. But how to move forward, to make progress? Ah, trapped again.

I am confused. Taunted by vague visions, lead on by unsure dreams. Competing realities. Hiding in the shadows.

I feel more alive than I ever have before. It is scary, thrilling, dangerous. I want to laugh, cry, scream, run. I want it to end as soon as possible, and yet I want it to last forever. As one of the greatest writers of our era once said, “Ponder, indefinitely.”

The past year has been rather interesting. It probably would have been a little easier if I didn’t have to keep going through periods of enlightenment and self-discovery every few months though. Hm. It’s probably safe to say that I have changed more over the past year and a half or so than almost ever before in my life. Are any of you in a position to judge, agree, or disagree? Comments welcome.

Sudden topic change?!

Music is calming, soothing. Sometimes it brings back good memories (Arcade Fire – Funeral). Other times, it just helps you relax (Pink Floyd – Dark Side of the Moon). Music can energize you, help you get ready. It can invoke emotions. Such as now. ((title))


I love her I love her I love her I love her I love her I love her I love her. <3

“Welcome to the club.” (ha!)


So, last night was the closing night of our play, The Fantasticks. It was pretty awesome. If you came, yay. If you didn't come, then you missed out :/.

Afterwards, we all went to Steak and Shake and sat at this MASSIVE table and had a really good time, hahaha. Even if it did possibly involve scaring off basically everyone else in the restaurant. Oops.

In other news, I am slightly mad at myself for constantly putting off something that I need to do. I don't really understand why...

the microscopic inside of a leaf.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


I am ((a/an)):

agnostic / angsty / anxious / awkward / bad liar / bisexual / black belt / broken / caring / confused / curious / depressed / drummer / easily amused / easily hurt / embarrassed / emotional / fortunate / frustrated / gamer / geek / guilty / happy / hippy / immature / in love / INTP (or INFP, around certain people) / juvenile / kind(?!) / lazy / liberal / music-loving / nerdy / not very masculine / obsessive / over-analytical / peaceful / programmer / questioning / quiet / reflective / sarcastic / scared / scarred / self-conscious / shy / stalker / teenager / thoughtful / timid / unsure / worried / young

And you?

A Portrait of Evil

You. You, with your dark, piercing eyes. Your egocentricity, your deceitfulness.

I followed you down a path of evil. I was lost, confused, scared. I didn't know better.

You swagger along, the crowd parting to let you through. Nothing touches you or changes you. You are fixed, distant, apart.

I looked too deeply, trying to find good where it didn't exist. I judged lightly.

Your slippery lies, your stubborn anger. You make the world around you worse.

I was confused. I sought acceptance, happiness.

You hurt. You insult, you belittle, you slander.

I listened and internalized when I shouldn't have.

You ruined me.

I saw the path you were on, I tried to get away.

You called it cowardice.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Fear and Uncertainty

Fear and Uncertainty are crippling emotions.

There are things that I should do, want to do, or need to do, and yet... I don't. Why? I'm afraid.

What am I afraid of?

It depends on the situation. But most of the time, I am afraid of failure. I afraid of failing publicly, and being embarrassed or humiliated in front of an untold number of people. I am afraid of failing privately, and having to live with the shame that I was not good enough to succeed.

So I avoid doing difficult things, things that I might easily fail at.

But there are other things too.

I am afraid of other people - of what they think of me. I am afraid of being judged and criticized. I don't want people to think negatively of me, I don't want to be disliked.

So I avoid doing controversial things, and things that might offend people.

And so here I am, stuck on this path of safety. This path of actions that I probably won't fail at, and that I probably won't offend anyone with.

I want to get away.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Silence, pt. 2

It is interesting to observe how people deal with silence. I don't really mean while they are alone - I mean being in a group of people when it suddenly falls quiet.

Some people can't stand it, and feel terribly awkward during any long pause. They search frantically for something to say, and won't be comfortable again until the conversation gets going. These people need to talk, they need the action/attention/entertainment/information/whatever else.

Others couldn't really care either way. They have no problem with talking, and yet they also have no problem with letting the conversation die out. They can see the benefits of talking, but they can also see the benefits of a quiet lull.

And others actually prefer silence. They feel pressured and awkward with everyone talking, and would much rather listen and observe. To them, silence is relaxing, refreshing, and renewing.

Which kind are you?

(mkay, I think the next entry will actually be a legit entry about my life. Sorry for the continued theme.)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Well, for reasons that I am still attempting to understand, I joined the school theater company earlier this year, and participated in the winter play. It was wonderfully fun, and helped me meet a bunch of new people (some of whom I am quite glad to have met <3).

Anyways, I decided to continue and try out for our spring musical. Now, let me explain something. I do not sing. Nope. Never. Singing is not something you will ever find me doing, as I am terribly bad at it. So why did I try out for a musical? That is a good question. For the audition, we had to read a monologue, and then sing part of a song. As soon as my audition was over, I went up to Mr. Fitzsimmons (the director), and told him that if this whole singing thing didn't really work out, I would be glad to do tech work or be stage manager or something. He said he would think about it, and so I waited.

Now, the play we are doing is called The Fantasticks. Apparently it was on Broadway for a freakishly long time, so a lot of people should (theoretically) know about it. Anyway, The Fantasticks happens to have a character who is a mute. The mute has no lines, and doesn't have to sing. As soon as I found this out, I began hoping that I could get the part of the mute.

Luckily, I did.

So, now I am a Mute. I have no lines to memorize, and I don't have to sing for any of the songs. I get to do a whole bunch of awesome stuff, and occasionally just blend into the background, and then reappear when I am needed. It is quite fun. I get to be silent, and just watch and observe everyone else.

Because of this, I have had to learn to deal with silence. Since I say nothing, the audience relies on my actions to understand my character. I can't use my voice to express emotion, and instead have to rely on my body. I must be more careful with my movements, and keep my facial expressions calm and clear. Silence is an interesting thing.

Monday, April 13, 2009



that's all for now.

Amazon Fails.

So yeah... Amazon is actually a pretty bad company.

A little while ago, they started removing books that they thought had "adult" content from their listings and bestseller lists. However, they did not remove all books with "adult" content... mainly just books relating to LGBT issues, even if there was hardly any other "adult" content involved.

Do you know what this is? Censorship.

And even worse... if you search "homosexuality" on, the first few results are: "A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality", "Jesus, the Bible, and Homosexuality, Revised and Expanded Edition: Explode the Myths, Heal the Church", "For The Bible Tells Me So", and "Can Homosexuality Be Healed?".


Does anyone else see anything wrong with this?

Sigh. When did Amazon become such homophobic losers?

Twitter hashtag: #amazonfail

Sunday, April 12, 2009

First Post?

Hello, world.

I decided to start a more personal blog than the one on my website.


I probably won't update that often.