poem for the voice.

AN EXERCISE IN HEAVY-HANDED PARODY AND MISANTHROPY
(THE AMERICAN DREAM.)

(i) The Culture
(Sold my soul for a quarter.)

. “How can I help you?”
. Glazed eyes and a poorly-suppressed sigh conveyed
. That however much they were paying her for this,
. It clearly wasn’t enough.

Bang! Boom! Crash!
Violence! Action! Sex!
A vicarious summer, ten bucks a pop;
branded merchandise soon to follow.
All you’ll need,
all you’ll ever need.
Save for the hotly-anticipated sequel.
Metallic behemoths, hot chicks.
Cinematic excellence, ADD culture.
A match made in heaven.
Even better are the wide-screen,
crystal-clear HDTV monstrosities.
Infinite channels of nothing,
a wasteland of raw emotion.

. Her hair fell brown-black in carefully casual waves,
. Waves parted by stylishly retro rectangular glasses.
. Eyeliner, applied in a trendy scene style, rimmed
. Eyes I dare not meet in dreams.

Glorious lifelines, those earplugs,
pumping manufactured angst.
Provocative female vocals compliment
phat synths, catchy beats, and forgettable lyrics
about this breakup or that affair.
Dance/pop replaced hip-hop,
alt-rock after emo-whine.
Ironically angsty artistic faded,
succeeded by whatever’s danceable.
To hate myself or to hate the world?
Or just to screw it, drink, and party?
Music for all.
I go for the punk and the classic rock.
The Green Day and the ACDC.
Institutionalized disrespect, prefabricated chaos.
This is my culture.

. Drink after drink of caffeine buzz
. Shouted at me from the chalked blackboard.
. She sighed, fingers impatiently drumming
. On the faux-marble counter-top.
. She glances at me, at the register.
. Impatience, boredom.
. So deliciously ironic.

Books are a more sophisticated delight.
Still untainted by the ignorant masses,
they offer their subtle pleasures.
The classic psychological twists
are my favorite, of course.
1984, Animal Farm,
love me some George Orwell.
House of Leaves owns my soul.
My darling Lolita, princess of darkness.
Fahrenheit 451, Lord of the Flies.
But most of all, Fight Club,
the idolized masterpiece.
Pain to feel alive,
paying for the right to live.



(ii) The People
(When in Rome.)

. I scanned the menu once more, testing her patience.
. Her glazed glance turned to a glare.
. Inhaling the sharp scent of coffee grounds,
. I picked my poison.

Jeers and taunts ring like merchants hawking wares.
Cliques fill the hallways like circles of demons.
The jocks and their cheerleaders,
the preps, the Goths, the artsy drama kids.
Nerds, gangsters, druggies.
Rich and poor, black and white,
separated by increasingly visible lines.
An ancient and unchanging power-structure,
otherworldly forces assigning each his place.
Don’t rock the boat,
or else we might drown.
A biblical flood, a cleansing disaster.


. I dug through my pockets, never breaking eye contact.
. Coins clanked onto the counter.
. The drinks here are ridiculously overpriced,
. And a Tall is the least tall thing I have ever seen.

These kids, they get high, they get drunk.
A cocktail of malice, complete with prescriptions.
The over-diagnosed, the over-exposed,
generation of lost hope.
Well-wishers in comfy offices speak
of paranoia, schizophrenia, ADHD.
Depressed, anorexic, bipolar.
Chemically unbalanced,
mentally unstable.
These are my people.
Everyone must be fixed.
If only they knew.
But if a pill cures all,
and a drug molds personality,
then who are we, really?

. I watched as she moved to the machine.
. Easy-listening music floated from the speakers.
. My shoulders ached from the weight of the backpack.
. She glanced back at me, and I was still staring at her.

I am better than them, and I know it.
They mock me, but their cries mean nothing.
Nothing.
People today are stupid, lifeless.
Just drones, cogs in an endless machine.
They wouldn’t know life unless you took it from them.
I was smarter than all of them, more logical,
more refined.
I saw through this mess,
this objectivist nightmare.
I would come as a savior,
a shepherd of the sheeple.
I would judge the quick and the dead.
A bit of social turbulence, that’s all.
A spark for the revolution.
Our own Project Mayhem.
Bring corporate America to its knees.




(iii) The Incident
(No cry for help.)

. She handed me my drink.
Intimidated by my stare, her eyes darted to and fro.
Finally, I released her.
I turned around, a table in the corner
my lonely destination.
My pace quickened as I neared my sanctuary,
my kingdom, my freedom.
The lone chair invited me, calling for me
to sit in it, to fulfill its destiny.
I passed yuppies sitting,
typing on their MacBooks.
Probably writing pretentious poetry.
God, I hate poetry.
I hate art. I hate culture. I hate the philistine barbarians who have destroyed cinema and symphony. I sat down in the chair and stared again at the barista – oh God, her eyes. She reminded me too much of that one girl, that oh so wonderful girl from my algebra class who was so terribly out of my range, and knew it, and flaunted it, making out with that ugly imbecile of a jock she called a boyfriend – yes, she would have to go, and what a shameful thing it would be, for she had such pretty eyes. I placed my backpack on the floor beside me, reached inside of it, felt around, searching for my creation, my treasure… I had made it at Sam’s house, with stuff that I had stolen from the chemistry lab – they had all kinds of explosive stuff in those cabinets, and I would just sneak some home with me each day until I finished it. And now I would finally get my opportunity to use it, to set things right, to improve the world… to reach my destiny as a savior, a hero, a saint, a martyr… I would be remembered for this – I would make it into the headlines, the evening news. I envisioned the scene in my mind, watching the reactions of the people around me; that old man, he won’t know what’s going on, but that lady over there has a chance, and she might be able to escape… I could almost feel the blast now, I could almost hear the explosion, this was turning me on. But I must calm myself. I mustn’t lose control. This all had a purpose. I knew what I was doing. Social upheaval. Yes. Fear, terror, chaos. Yes. Sticking it to the man. Yes. I can do this. I am your one true fear, your one true enemy. I am Legend, the Jesus of Surburbia, the savior of the damned, ironman, the waiting. I am the unwanted, the unwashed, the uncared for, the slumdog, the underdog. I am the chosen one, the Muad’dib, the beast behind the wall, the walrus. I am your father, the kids your parents warned you about, invincible, a freak, a weirdo, the final solution. I am the last fragments of soul burning through your dead eyes. I am that last gasp for breath before everything fades to blackness. I am the sickening feeling in your gut as you realize the breaks are failing. I am the alpha and the omega, the creator and the destroyer. I am the way the world ends.
Three.
Two.
One.




(iv) The Reaction
(Empathy is a lost cause.)

“Did you hear what happened?”
“That Kyle kid?”
“Yeah.”
“He was always such a freak.”
“I never liked him.”
“He looked sorta gay.”
“I always knew he would go crazy.”
“I mean, did you see the way he acted?”
“He was such a creeper.”
“Remember that time –”
“Yeah!” “Oh God.”
“He used to stare at me all the time.”
“Jerk.”
“He was always pretty weird.”
“I pushed him down the stairs once.”
“Ha… I stole his lunch a few times.”
“Loser.”
“The other day, he told me to watch the news.”
“Why?” “Really?”
“I dunno, I guess he was trying to make the headlines.”
“Wow…”
“Whatever.”

fitting/scattered.

Things have been going too fast lately.

===

I'm actually enjoying school now. I mean, I did before, but... I don't know, it's different now. I love basically all of my classes (except for English, but eh, that's okay). I have more friends than I ever have before (even though only like four of them are actually in my grade, haha). And I feel like things will only get better from here. There's some people I'd like to get to know better, and I actually have classes with them now, so yay. College applications are annoying, but they will be done soon.

And... yayyyyy theater is finally starting again! Not only is theater awesome, it also means I get to hang out with Daily after school instead of riding the bus home and listening to the little kids scream. I swear, if I hear those kids sing along to Hannah Montana one more time... hahaha.

===

Community meeting was hilarious today. (For those of you not at Cannon - since a certain number of people went to some soccer game or something, the varsity soccer team sang Taylor Swift's song Love Story. It was epic.). I have Taylor Swift stuck in my head now, but I guess that's an acceptable trade-off for such entertainment.

In other news, and in an attempt to get other music stuck in my head, I highly recommend that you listen to Queen's Bicycle Race. It's an amazing song.

===

I got my braces off yesterday!!! Yayy, this is excitinggg!!! I've had them on for what seems like FOR EVER. So, I'm happy. Yay!

===

Earlier this week, I noticed something. I was riding the bus to school (as a senior), listening to t.A.T.u and Cascada, and reading Fruits Basket. I figured that this could mean that my life was either really lame or really awesome. I'm going with really awesome.

===

I've been experimenting with creating synthesized music, and some of it is turning out somewhat well. I might actually try putting some songs together. The genre I'm going for right now is sorta a mixture of electronica, trip-hop, progressive, rock, and ambient. This might be fun.

===

Okay so I'm basically wasting time now, hoping that Mr. Fitzsimmons will send out the cast list tonight. Because I really want to see it! Hahaha, we're doing this really depressing play about a mining town where there is a huge explosion and basically all the men die. So it's pretty sad... there are monologues by dead miners, and their widows, and stuff. Yeah, haha. I might get to play a dead miner.

Anyway, I guess that's all for now. Goodnight!


...and I can almost put it back together...

Mauve.

School has started, yay. A bit of confusion caused the year to get off to a rough start, but things are better now. Well... as good as they will get, I guess. Most of my classes range from ok to good. I seem to have a relatively good number of friends. However. Our lunch group seems to be fracturing, and our band is in need of some serious help. Meh, whatever.

***

One of my favorite classes so far is The Voice, the creative writing class. One of the activities we did was based on "found" poetry - in this activity, we picked random words and phrases from the top and bottom of certain pages in a random book, and then turned them into a poem. I picked Fahrenheit 451, which was an excellent choice. Below is my poem:

A silly thing, fun at my expense.
Maximum of comfort for two thousand dollars.
Keep the world happy and laughing.
Only one way out, he whispers in your ear.
Oh god, you silly fool.
A salamander glimmering in the high darkness.
Laughing.
It sizzles faintly in the great hot emptiness.
Laughing.
A new sun.
Laughing.
I knew it I knew it I knew it.
Did I tell you? Eventually, it might fall upon the city.
Bing bing bing, yelling, laughing.
The sick look on your face.
Stone by stone, falling.
Darkness, yelling, laughing.
And now?
You fall and lay without moving.
Another fever, a numbness.
An old man yelling, “Are you asleep in there?”
You’re a fool, an awful fool, an idiot.
“Last night…?”
I don’t know.
The final push towards murder.
Suicide and crying and awful feelings.
A charred wax doll.
I knew it.
But now I only hear laughing.

It's okay, I guess. I like it better than the other poems I've written in the class, but the limited word choice bugged me a bit. I probably would have cut back on the laughing. I don't know.

***

I've been trying to spread the word about Symposium. It's September 18th, at about 6:00 pm, in Taylor Hall. If you want to perform or anything, just let me know. If not, please come anyway!

***

For theater, it looks like we might be doing some depressing play about a mining town where a whole bunch of men die in an accident. fun fun.

***

...scrambled eggs, pork chops, and hot dogs...

prologue?

Hmm. It's the last day of summer. This is both good and bad. I wish summer had been a bit longer. Well, parts of it. Not other parts. Oh well. The ending hasn't been as good as I had hoped, but whatever. School brings things to look forwards(british spelling) to. (ending in a preposition. grammar, I shall defile thee.)

//

Portishead is awesome. I finally bought their second album (titled Portishead), even though I already have like half of the songs on it through the live CD. Anyways, I now have all of their albums, and am most happy. Artists who I have the complete discography of: Pink Floyd, The Beatles, Radiohead, Arcade Fire, Muse, Portishead, My Chemical Romance. Interesting selection. I'm working on acquiring all of Massive Attack next. Yay for trip-hop/electronica.

//

I don't want to brag, but whatever. Here goes. Well, my family decided to finally update our cellphone plan, so it actually fit our usage. Which means we all got new cellphones. I took full advantage of this, and got a Blackberry Tour. (Since I hadn't updated my old phone in like... YEARS, there was quite a bit of credit built up for a new phone). Anyways. It is pretty awesome. I generally dislike cellphones and texting in general... but I can check my email on this! yay! So, I've got it set up to recieve notifications for facebook, my gmail account, and my school webmail account. Awesome. Even better: I found a Pandora app for it! Yay music! And then... I FOUND AN SSH CLIENT!!!! This is basically the best thing ever. It means that I can log into my server... from my blackberry. And run things from the linux console. To test it out, I logged on, wrote a C source file in vi, compiled it with gcc, and ran it. It worked! All from my blackberry. Now I can do server maintenance WHEREVER!!! Hehehehe.

//

Okay. So yeah. School.
Here's the classes I'm taking:

Calculus 3 online from Stanford.
Theater 1.
AP Psychology.
English 4 Honors.
AP Physics.
The Voice: Creative Writing - Poetry and Fiction.

An interesting mixture.

//

...if I wasn't afraid...

two songs/listen to them

These two songs are most excellent, and I've recently had them stuck in my head.

First, Handlebars by Flobots. The music video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuK2A1ZqoWs

I like the way the lyrics and the music video work together to tell a message. Neither of them would be as effective without the other, in my opinion. I think the moral is interesting - as individuals, we have incredible power and abilities. How do we use them? For good, or for evil? For progress? Is progress always good? This video thinks not. I am still undecided.


Second, The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel. I had a hard time finding a link for this... I wanted you to hear the studio version, not a live performance or a cover. This was the only thing I found: http://www.wat.tv/video/simon-and-garfunkel-the-boxer-1430v_1430y_.html

Anyway, I just love this song. Especially from about 4:00 onwards. Not really sure why, but this song has been stuck in my head now every single morning.

So. yeah. Listen to them if you want. Tell me what you think. Give me random songs to listen to. Whatever.

...and wishing I was gone...

Post/Riposte

Hey, Cannon peoples - how long are your responses to the "Who Moved My Cheese" questions? I figured I should finally get around to doing my summer work, haha. Oh, and while I'm randomly questioning you - for rising seniors: how long are your response(s) to the common app essay?

---

I see what you are doing. And don't worry, I will get you. You can run, you can hide, but it won't last. Not for long.

---

My creativity comes in annoying flashes. I'll get really great inspiration and ideas, but at times when I can't work on them. And then as soon as I have free time, I suddenly no longer want to draw/play/write/program/whatever. It's frustrating. I'm trying to beat it though. I'm slowly working on a small art piece based on the album "Funeral" by Arcade Fire.

I love that album. It has recently become my second favorite album of all time (behind Dark Side of the Moon, of course). I don't know why, it's just awesome. Neon Bible, their second album, is pretty good, but is a little darker and a little less catchy. In my opinion, at least.

---

Strange. The parts that are supposed to be easy are tantalizingly hard, and the parts that are supposed to be hard are confusingly easy.

---

Hmm. School starts in about two weeks. Meh. I'm looking forward to it. Somewhat. I also want to avoid certain things/people. Sigh.

I don't want to go to college yet. I know I still have another year... but it just seems like it is coming up too soon.

---

ha.

...people everywhere / a sense of expectation hanging in the air...

Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-awVQkTeVE

http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/s/divorce

Tired now. Insightful words later.

...blue-eyed butterfly slowly unfolding...